so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
