when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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