actually, I'm a sock model
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
