we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
