i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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