I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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