Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
