Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
third nipple confirmed
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
