Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
