onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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