just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
