How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
