I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
