the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
