well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
