im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
