i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Sext me about skeletons
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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