am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
