Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
