I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
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