week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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