we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
