The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
