two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
