You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
