Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize