I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
