so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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