In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
