Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
