We're facebook friends in real life
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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