Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
