benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize