Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
