You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
