White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
