Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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