Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Randomize
