So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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