dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
