my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
