I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
