I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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