dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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