That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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