Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
