I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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