I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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