Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
