i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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