okay pat passed out under dana's car
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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