i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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