this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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