if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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