just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
