Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Randomize