why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
