the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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