the new term for farting is butt boxing.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize