True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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