So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
no you cant smoke seaweed
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
