Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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