Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
