i barfeds in our rink
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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