Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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