soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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