I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
