I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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