Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
