It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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