My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
My bed smells like the plague
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