god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
