Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
