you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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