Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
