Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Someone came in the potted fern
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
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