She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
You took a bar mat shot.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize