Sober January is a disaster.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
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