my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
