You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
