Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
