i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
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