Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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