There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
