I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize