I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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