Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
