I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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