yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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