When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I enjoy the company of your penis
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
