So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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