I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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