I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
