benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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