I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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