Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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