He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
